Sam's wedding

yesterday night i try to get to my peace hall i my mind which i have been long time no get in there to clear my mind, i create this area when i was with JY because i constantly need to calm myself at that period of time with her, i now use this peace hall in my mind in meditation state to arrange my mind data, been constantly late sleep for a long time so mess up my brain a lot, i lost many brain power as well, so earlier in the night, i play little brain practice with my friend, as a display of my deduction power to them also, hahaha, been a long time no show off to get my ego and narcissism enjoyment, which eevee hate it very much and say no to me, hahahaha, i ask them to show me photo of their friend i directly say out their most obvious characteristic out, this time i analysis more than 20 and i get 18 above correct, cool, even i am surprise with myself too for being that accurate because last time i only can get around 30% accuracy, but this time is more than 80%, i doubt that my power is raised because been a long time i stop training, i guess nowadays those kids is very bad on hiding or cloaking themselves, that few friend that i know from playing football at taman polo are all stunned to know i possess such power, they wan to yc with me tomorrow to learn little trick from me, hahaha, which i never want to teach because obviously they gonna misuse it when they get it

last night when i was in my peace hall before i fall asleep, i suddenly think of i gonna attend Sam's wedding dinner in this end of March, my subconcious try to tell me something but i keep ignore it so i try to understand it this time in the peace hall, then i realise JY also consider a friend of him, she basically know him because of me, and we both owe him a lot, he help us get through many hard time although at the end we both failed, he use to fetch me to go find her because my dad don't allow me to use his car to find her, if i do, i have to plan out where to park my car but not too far from her house so i don't have to walk too far to her house to find her to have time together, because i need to avoid my dad come to her house to spot check me whether i am in her house base on the car i park near there, so i have to study all the place around there and my dad's level of intelligence of finding me to find out that blind spot to park my car, lol, so sometimes i guess ask Sam to fetch me, even many times he fetch us both go out for dating, lol, he is a good friend on this, he and Snake Ming, i owe you both a lot, doesn't matter at the end i fail in the relationship, i owe you both big time, and i promise to help you in the future if you ask and i will help you with all my power, so the point is will he invite her to his wedding or not, if he did, i will not show up that night, i have to avoid her at all cost after my mind confirmed her as my kryptonite

i say she is my kryptonite because few months ago, she contacted me via wechat, which i expected but been too far away from my expectation, i once said she will come to find me 3 more times after the hard split which i final it at my 21st birthday, something like that, i cannot remember clearly about it and i am glad about this because i succesfully erased those memory, first time she find me through phone call, second time she find me through her friend, nice try but too bad i already sense it from far away, then after many years, then she contact me again, it's really fishy for me because what's the point of contacting me after so many years we never contact each other and she know i don't wanna see her again, took me some days to consider to accept the request, my brain tell me to accept it see what she want to play, after i accepted it, i ask her to verify herself as JY, after she say something that only both of us know, actually i already erase most part of the memory that she said there, i can't remember it back at all, i only assume it's right since she really write it out and i only can recall around 30% of what she describe in the conversation, she ask me wanna meet up or not since she is in town, what she say really raise a lot of my mind alert, why she say in town while she can just say she is in kuantan? i think she try to bait me to say where am i, so that she can readjust her location if i decide to meet her, even when i was waiting her reply, i get anxiety like last time, which is not a good sign for me and my brain ask me to stop this game before i get myself into shithole again, so, i use back the old plan of mine, the master plan of mine, which is make her feel i am a annoying person, a bad person, noot a good boyfriend anymore, i changed, all these add up into her subconcious to repell me, hahaha, now i can say it here now because doesn't matter now even she know, she didn't know i know her heart got another boy long time ago because she declare our relationship is over, i started this grand plan so that we will fail in peace, i have to do it like this because i have to avoid other stuff in future, since we will fail our relationship, why don't i just go support her by sacrifice me? i told her before which i remember this very clear, if she ever like someone else when we are together, i will not fight that person but make way for both of you, haiz, sad story short, i succeeded and she go to that boy

so in the conversation in wechat, i remember back this trick and plan so just extend it, i say no to her at the end, she say fine and forget about it, this sentence also very fishy, let's say she purely just wanna be friend and clear about friendzone, why you don't contact me via my real number at the first place or whatsapp which will show her number? wechat there say she add me via phone number, so i would guess she try to hide her number from me which she think she can hide if i wan to find out, i would be extremely amazed by her if she can do that, obviously i already forget her number and never keep it and destroy all the copy i have in all my digital drive and hard copy, i know where to get her number to track her down but i choose not to, that little conversation already almost make me lost my mind and my feeling is going up and down, imagine meeting her will be like, second guess is she try to find me and make us back to couple status, if she succeed, i back to old days which i really don't wan anymore, i am very tired of it, third guess is it's just a prank from her friend and her on me which this theory is unlikely to be true, 4th guess will be she is in trouble and only i can help her, which is highly unlikely as well since she got many other people outside, anyway, doesn't matter, i deleted her from my contact list after a few days of thinking, i get lazy to think of it because no metter how, i am not going to see her again, i hope she think the same like me, go bug someone else, after this, i guess she won't come to find me again, and i hope so

yes, maybe someday some girl will read about this, but i guess this will be a good place for her to research about me before you like me and approach me, i really hope one day if i ever fall in love with someone again which i guess highly unlikely now after eevee incident, she will have to be my protector from the kryptonite, she have to be strong to protect me from the kryptonite if i ever meet her in chance in the future, i think i am defenseless when face my kryptonite so to my future love one, i will protect you from anything but this one you have to protect me untill you become my imune system and no longer worry about the kryptonite, be my mind and heart imune system

i lost my soul and heart when we break up, both my soul and heart leave together with her and i never get it back, i was blank for days when i break up, lost every will power and purpose, thanks to my mind reset protocol, after reset, took me years to build a new one and a new me, but i never rebuild my heart, i left it broken till i meet eevee, although at the end we didn't get together, but somehow my heart get rebuild because of her and i appreciate it, sometimes i am not so sure whether my heart get rebuild is a good thing because i use my heart break emotion to defend myself from falling in love again

 i guess she still can make me feel because my soul and heart is still there, i hope my future love one can make me detached from there and attach to my future love one, hope my future love can understand this

sherlock holmes is right by the way, gonna sleep now, it's 5am now

6th sense

For the first time ever, my 6th sense kinda mess up after my 8 year seal being break by eevee, but at some point, she somehow help me sharpen my vision although my 6th sense mess up a bit, quite weird but i think i just gonna write here for my memory sake since i don't think anyone will read my blog also, if got read, this already being a long gone history

although i didn't officially be with eevee but i think we both fell for each other, being 8 years i didn't feel the constant pain on my heart after she officially say no, took me some time to ease it, i guess i overcomed and start my  heart frosting process again, the day she say she made the decision, i had the exact vision on it in my dream the day before she say it, those words are almost identical, which quite alerting to me, i had another one about her last week and i scare it might be true because recently all my dream just happen to come true in real world, i think somehow she trigger it, i tell her i saw something beautiful between us that day, i didn't say i know something beautiful gonna happen from my deduction on our future, but quite confusing, if the beautful vision i saw will be true then why higher power show me while show me she will say no to me that day, if both are true, means in future we might still got chance, i never had this vision when i was with JY but eevee got, guess now i keep alter it by choosing not to let it happen since i already in frost mode and keep a distance on her for now and rebuild my seal and i hope the higher power stop giving me this kind of vision

i think she somehow sharpen or reopen this sense which i try to bury it long time ago because i don't want this ability although it's kinda fun sometimes but it scares me when i saw something not good, few years ago i saw myself will be in a serious injury in my 30 years old which is this year, don't ask me how, i think higher power let me know since "they" kinda like me and always find a way to tell me some stuff, i consult some sifu that pro in this area to verify it, no matter who i meet after let them calculate my destiny chart, all say the same like what i saw, a major accident that involve car, i saw it coming few years ago, maybe higher power try to warn me and want me to do something to alter it and i did, hopefully i can avoid it because if i successfully avoid it, i will be crazy rich after that, lol

at this point, i try to hold this vision on eevee about her injury that i saw but i guess no one include her will believe me and i hope what i saw will be just pure dream and imagination of my mind, but i choose to message her to tell her about this, just not full version, just tell her to avoid any risky move that involve her left leg, i rather she hate me being a weirdo or freak for the rest of her life for saying those stuff to her and really nothing happened than i hate myself for not telling her to avoid it while i "saw" it, and i ask her don't reply me after see my message, just in case she break my seal again which i not sure whether i already fully seal up against her, so i write it down here to future reference, what i saw in the dream is got a doctor and a nurse try to assist her on walk while she holding tongkat with her left hand and her left knee is seriously injured till need to cement it, i can feel i was standing there watching this and avoiding her so she won't know i was there in that dream, she wearing some white clothes and blue slipper at a t junction of a place which i guess is hospital, the vision last about 10 second and i was concious enough to observe the whole sceen and thinking whether wan to tell her in real world ot not, oh yeah, right before the sceen end, got a boy come out from the left side, not sure who is he, didn't manage to see his face, he just walking towards her and then the vision is finished, i hope is her bf or husband, i don't know the timeline of the vision so i only can guess that boy d identity which i hope she found a good bf or husbannd in that vision

i can see she is very frustrated about it but i didn't go comfort her, i just stand there and watch, i guess it's good for both of us this way in that dream since she friendzoned me and i back to my single mode which i keep a distance to any girl that try to come close to me which is not friendship purpose or girl i truly fell for and fail, which only 2 person in this category and i hope no one else in this statistic, i didn't put the tall her in this category because i don't think so

i read back some of my blog that i write and i found it quite funny, i not sure eevee got read it or not for researching that time but i guess a girl i codename MW which is gf to my business partner got read, am i right MW? message me to give me a high 5 if you see this, hahahaha, and please don't help me find a girl for me for gf purpose please, i wanna stay like this and keep myself away from relationship until someone like JY or eevee break it, if not, i will just stay single for the rest of my life

it's been a while since i write blog at here, i saw the last one is at 2015, been over 3 years since last update, i guess no one will ever notice i updated this anyway so i choose to write it, and i don't think she will come here to read my stuff also, i use to write blog and encoded it in a way that only i can understand it to help me to remember somehing signiicant in my life so when i am old enough one day, i can look back and laugh back myself for being dumb that time

now i choose to write something down before my mind system deleted this part of memory which i wanna cherish it although doesn't last long, very short lived actually

for people who understand and know about me, they know i am a very logical person and very noob in romance, about 8 years ago, i seal myself up after i break up with her after about 2 years of relationship and repel any girl that come close to me that i can see she got some interest on me although i never think will got girl like a romance noob boy like me, you can imagine how devastated i am that time, i almost take a vow in front of the "higher power of next level dimension" for staying single forever and never want to involve in any relationship anymore, somehow when i was about to do it, i can sense something whisper to me, ask me to hold my horses first, still got one and worth my wait, and i kinda reply say with one condition, she have to break my heavily fortified seal

after 8 years, someone break it at december of 2018, i really feel she might be the one, even though we like each other and grow feeling on each other, i have to admit i still fear to go full on her, i codename her Eevee, i consult some of my friend when i go after her and all of them say that i have gone too fast, i don't know, i just do what i should do as a person that like her, try to spend more time with her because we are in long distance relationship, at the end, we fail, she say doesn't feel right on me and made her decision to seperate with me before it become nasty, sort like "short term heartbreak is better than long term heart break" i don't understand at all that time, i spend a lot of time to think back what's the real reason behind this because i kinda think she lie about the reason and hide the real reason, i guess i never will verify it but only can guess

in that short period of time, i share a lot of my proud moment to her that i use my ability of foresee and predict the future of certain things and my deduction skill to help and save someone's ass, she seems kinda ok with it, i guess i step her mind landmine in a particular case and somehow i cross her line, another thing is she probably afriad that i might see through her and know some of her dark secrets and dark history of her early days, i actually saw it and i choose to accept and live with it, i choose to accept her pass but she cannot accept my future, haiz, can't do anything about it since she already made her mind and i fall into the trauma again, it's a very dumb thing when u got a very powerful brain power and mental toughness but very vulnarable when this emotion kick in

the reason she can break my seal because i saw something very beautiful in future which i codename the file "Grand Canyon" in my mind palace, haiz, too bad at the end doesn't work out, because i think she will interested on this deduction skill and learn it so that she can be more understand and see that future that i see but i guess romance doesn't work like that, i really wish and think she will learn it and can see through me that i really mean that i appreciate her and will always be with her for real, i guess she really don't like this thing at all because she say that herself to me, she is a clever girl also, she got deduction skill as well, just maybe not that acurate like me and more on negative side, don't ask me how but i saw we will have a challenge on our 3rd year if we are truly together, oh ya, i forget to mention she never say yes on our relationship, just pending mode but it feel we already are together, i choose to go after her also because i see the bright side and i know i can solve it before it came

although we didn't spend much time with each other on this pending relationship, but for the first time ever i can feel the heart warming feel from a girl when she take care of me , i codename that 2 incident as "winter wind" and "journey" in my mind palace which i guess i no need to write it here, just write the memory tag here will be enough, doesn't matter now, i already seal up myself again and even more heavily fortified than last time because i don't wanna be in relationship again unless someone can break this seal i put on my heart, i am back to cold blooded mode to defend my biggest weakness of mine being kena, someone ask me a question recently because he is first time in romance, he ask if come to a situation that is very dangerous and one of them will die, how will i do, i directly reply him i will never hesitate and sacrificce myself to let her to have second chance to live, i proved myself on my first ever relationship that i done similar thing like in this situation, i choose to defend her that time and spoilt a reputation i build for years, i codename that incident as "bunny ears 1 and 2", i really don't like that at all but i do it anyway, i just love her too much that time and overwrite that mind protocol

anyway, i guess i am fully seal up now and custom made another special layer of defence just for Eevee so that she won't break my seal again when we meet again and we will just stay as friend, i can stay as friend for this time because it's a peaceful seperation, last time is not, i won't avoid all the possibilities to meet her like the last one, i truly wish we can stay friend forever although cannot be life companion at the end

i guess i need to learn to keep my mouth shut now, not because of Eevee, but for a better safety of mine, it's fun and feel cursed at the same time when you got a very good detective mind but radar on at the wrong time

26th chinese new year

This year is my 26th year of Chinese New Year, quite feel a quater of my life is gone, 3 quater left, but this Chinese New Year is quite enjoyful for me.

Had a small gathering with my primary school friend, I feel quite excited about it actually, I always like to meet my primary school friends, at least most of them. This year is kinda funny because invited a funny guy at last minute. Maybe I am too observative, last time he actually wear quite some pink accessories on him which tell us that he want to have a girlfriend or friend ( I favor the first ), poor kid doesn't know how the society and social psychology works. I know how it works but I choose to be single. This year I have done something I consider crazy, add my first love back into my facebook friend but get denied. Hmmm, many factors and reason but I think most probably is I don't worth to be her friend, only can be pass-byer only. I actually saw her parents on my cousin's wedding dinner, I greet her dad but i bet he forget who am i, good also since i am nothing to him, for now. I try to control my hormon well by facing her back so that my heart won't be touched by her again. And i train myself not to be touched again, seal off myself untill i met another set of hormon that unlock it.

Quite surprise for me that another primary school female friend is friendzoned, although i got do some prediction about her relationship, i reset it last year when i heard how she answer when someone ask her one specific question but i am still surprise about it, it's my bad habit for doing those deduction, accidentally done it. Haiz, poor girl, and i feel sorry about it. I predicted mine well, i got try to do something about it but it's all too late for me because i am too dumb, don't know how to recover the big picture. Doesn't matter, i think she will be happier without me because i don't know how to make her happy.

back to science, relationship is actually a simple thing but human is too busy to define it and to prove it, the majority reason why relationship fail is both side constantly ask something from the other one or expect something from other side. It's mother of all failure, even me also one of the victim of this failure. i know understand this at the very early stage of my relationship, and i know exactly what is the majority reason why relationship success, it's a direct opposite of reason of fail. Constantly ask about myself what can i give her instead of ask what can she give her at present and future. so why i still fail since i know? i don't know deep enough that time. i still fail because i give her what i want to give instead of what she need. a terrible mistake for me, so people who reading this, please wake up, don't be stubborn, make some changes or you will fail like me. this doesn't need rocket science level to understand.

human being is too busy to earn money and no time to explore themselves, they forgot no matter what we do, we are slave of our sensors, our eyes want to see beautiful things, our nose want to smell something good, our mouth want to say what we want to say as long as the words make us feel great, ears want to listen good music, our skin want to touch something smooth and soft, our tongue want to taste something good, so, you tell me, OTHER THAN A GIRL THAT YOU LOVE, WHAT ELSE IN THIS UNIVERSE CAN FULFILL THE PLEASURE OF ALL THE SENSORS OF OUR BODY AT THE SAME TIME? this is why human have a really hard time when lose a lover because all sensors lost their pleasure all at the same time, it's very suffering, that's why you can see many many side effects of losing a lover, those sensors will try to seek replacement, some will spend money to buy many stuff to relax their nerve center, eat many stuff for tongue pleasure, play sport or concentrate on work to make a distraction of the sensors and many more things. Drugs is very close to fulfill every sensors of our body but the side effects is too huge and it's illegal. that's why many religion train people to control the sensors of our body instead of sensors control us, they learn to repel and have no feelings about materials, beautiful girls, meat and many more. i think i have train myself quite well about this but i am still constantly upgrading myself. so next time when you want to get involve in love, better know some science of it or you will end up with lots of failure.

so appreciation of each other is very important, when i was in relationship, i treat every meet up with her is the first time and the last time we will be meet. i cherish every moment i be with her because the universe is constantly killing living organism, we really don't know will we survive until tomorrow to see each other again, that's why if a person really love the other one, he or she really got no time to start any argument because they choose love instead of argue, but of course we cannot repeat the same mistake to make ourselves to fall into argument situation at the first place, for me, the best method of solving problem is never let the problem has a start.

So, in the name of science, go understand more about the one you love, keep on improving your understanding skill, always ask what to give instead of what to take, evolve around what she or he needs without jeopardize your own life and your own place, respect each others difference, if both also do like this, i believe this relationship will last till the end of time.

back to the topic, this new year didn't really gamble much, i successfully control the excitement of want to gamble, and i let my taste buds lose. i eat quite a lot this year, my weight is close to 61kg, quite funny that when i go to visit one of my friends house, that friend actually ask all of us except me to weight themselves see whether can qualify to join a unofficial club call THE 8 CLUB, which mean the figure of your weight is start with the digit 8. so many fat ass among my friends, i hold the knowledge of how to reduce and maintain our weight in simple way but i think their ego is too high to listen my voice. doesn't matter, because i am not the one who will suffer the illness that fat brings.

too many things want to write down to share but next time la... ... ...